A Confession

There's something I have to confess. I look around me and all I do is covet. There are so many people with blessings and talents. And I find myself yearning for something to make me feel special.

With that mentality I try my best to fill the role of superman. I try hard to encourage people and to be strong for them. If I fall won't others fall too, who will be able to help them? I try hard and push myself to my limits in order to serve others. "They need my love" I convince myself. This is my role, my talent, my gift to make me special.

But then I find myself still failing. Still worrying. And frankly I havn't been honest with myself.

I am NOT superman.

This sucks. Who am I then? Do I have any talents? Am I special?

I feel this urge to fit some role. To find some use for myself. To make some sort of difference. I love you guys, and it pains me to say I've been tricking you. I'm not superman.

I sin just like you do. I covet and lust. I fail at going to class and studying. I am prideful and arrogant and like to judge others. I am ugly.

I worry constantly. I am anxious. I fail to trust God. I have no authority over God's word to teach or to discern, it's all part of God's grace.

I speak about love and sharing and carrying burdens. Yet I've been carrying all my burdens by myself. I should have called up each of you and apologized. I am not who I appear to be.

I am a sinner just like you guys. At the mercy of your prayers and to God. Without you family I don't know what I would do. I would go crazy. So please don't leave me. I'm sorry. I'll stop pretending. I'll take off my mask.

I'm not tough, I'm not like Mike or Erick. I'm not Fabian. I struggle and fail. All I can ask for is your forgiveness and God's forgiveness. All I can ask for is grace.

I think ultimately I want to apologize for being so selfish. For living a life centered around me. I really want to live for others, yet I continue to fall short time and time again. Will you forgive me?


"This is what the LORD says:
'Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,
but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,'
declares the LORD."
- Jeremiah 9:23-24