Restlessness

So if you haven't heard the last two weeks of my life have been utterly amazing. A total testament to God's grace, I've never felt God's presence so clearly before in my entire life. After doing QT during Pastor Min's message last Sunday I didn't do anything special but pray specifically and struggled to surrender many strongholds in my life. And since God has been nothing short of awesome, delivering me from my deepest sins and fighting for me on the frontline of the battlefield to combat lies and tricks of the Enemy. It's been a great adventure of diving into Scripture and claiming God's promises. I've been especially blessed by Ps 139:23-24:

"Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting."

That brings us to the topic of the post, that over the course of the past two weeks this spirit of "uneasiness" has settled in me. I can't really put my finger on it. It's a mix of restlessness, guilt, shame, fear, worry, anxiousness, weightiness. It's like something isn't sitting right and I can't seem to figure it out. Normally I atrributed the feeling to stress, but after surrendering my obviously overloaded and busy schedule, the feeling has continued to persist (Phil 4:6-7). I have also turned to introspection and have repented my sins numerous times but this feeling seems to not be derived from that (1 Jn 1:9). I questioned if there was an evil spirit inside of me, but I know that I am a follower of Jesus Christ (Jn 10:28).

At last I thought I figured out that God has been trying to say something to me, to question my knowledge of God's will for my life. Like, do I really know what God's will is? Maybe I'm just tricking myself, but Jeremiah 29:13-14 says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." In short even though I am not completely surrendered about every little thing, I can take steps of faith in God's will, because not only do I seek Him, but I know that He is revealing Himself to me (Jn 14:21). I also know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His prupose." (Rom 8:28). And that nothing can seperate us from the love of God. (Rom 8:39). Another awesome verse I found was John 6:37 "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." =]

Lol, anyway as I look up and claim these promises I can't help but feel comforted that God really loves me and nothing bad can ever happen to me. Even though this feeling persists, if anything it's driving me closer to God and have me cling onto His words. I thought maybe I was just studying scripture and had forgotten that God was a person, but as I study His word, I am really studying about God, and claiming His very nature, to fufill my desitre for Him. I know I am God's son (Jn 1:12) and that God loves me (Rom 5:8) and that "He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all - how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" (Rom 8:32). "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." (1 Pt 5:7).

Lol, Sorry for the super long blog post. I started with this acheing feeling inside of me, but even though it has diminished quite a bit, it has been fun to journey with you in claiming each of God's promises. It's like God is speaking to me and comforting me through His word. Thanks for joining me on a journey on how my mind works and how to combat the Enemy's lies and deception. How can he harm me when God is on my side? I love you Lord.

"Why are you downcast, O my soul"
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God."
~ Ps 42:5-6a