Thanks

The past two days have been really amazing.

The first amazing adventure. God spoke. Finally. In a way that I am continuing trying to understand. He spoke to my emotions. He made me feel again.

I've been living in a dream world, of perfection and imperfection. Of who I wanted to be and couldn't be. Of who I thought everyone expected me to be and how much I failed them. With all these expectations that I put on myself I was drowned and discouraged. I couldn't breathe anymore. I couldn't think. I lost who I am. Who I was. Who I wanted to be.

And after posting on Friday morning. God gave me a sense of overwhelming peace (a peace that transcends understanding?). I finally believed again. In Him. In me. That I could do things. That everything would be okay. I believed.

The funny thing with belief. It can't be faked. It can't be created. Our hearts are pretty fickle creatures. Sometimes we believe in things that don't make sense. Sometimes we can't believe what is in front of our eyes. But belief changes everything.

It changes our perception of the world. If I believed the sky was purple. Then the sky would appear purple. If I believed I am the happiest man alive, then I can be the happiest man alive. If I believe that I have great friends that are there for me, then I suddenly have great friends. If I believe that I have been abandoned, then I will feel abandoned.

An amazing thing happened on Friday. After being without hope. Trying to forge my own path. Trying to numb the pain by forgoing all emotion. I started to believe again. I started to hope.

I said some pretty nasty things to all of you. I apologize. In my hiding and stealth I ignored the signs. I've been pretty hurt by so many people. That I refused to believe in you. It's easier to hate than believe sometime. Because I am afraid. Afraid of believing and being betrayed. That my belief would be placed in something that isn't real.

But I believe. And God has opened my eyes to see a lot of my own folly. That in my unbelief. The world had adopted a tint of grey. That everything was subpar. But it's funny with a tint of hope, brings many new colors to the world around you.

Thank you. For being there for me. Thank you for wanting to help. Your concern your actions. They mean alot. You guys are amazing. I am truly blessed.

For those wondering how they can help the answer is simple. Help me to keep believing. And believe for me, and with me. Believe that everything will be okay. That everything IS okay. That Life is amazing. Because we have an awesome God. Believe! And share you're unbelief. So we can be in this together.


Waaah haha sorry for the long post. I know many of you were worried so I apologize. For hurtful statements and for causing a ruckus. I do appreciate the attention, and I would love to share my life with you. And hopefully if it's not to scary I would love to see a part of your life too, maybe a little at a time. I love you guys. Thank you. Let's keep on believing.

We're all in this together. <3








Edit: I have a private blog. Would you like access to this private blog? If you want to understand me more then let me know, and give me your email address (gmail?). I would love to include everyone but I think it's better to keep some permissions on it, since I'm applying to jobs and such. It just makes life less complicated. haha. But if you are a coworker, my boss, a friend, or my mommy, just ask and I'll send you the link. =]