So long

prayer wanted.

I'm so burnt-out.

If you guys could pray that I get rest over these next three weeks that would be great. Just whenever you think of me. Cause there's no way I can come back as the person that left...my kids deserve so much more...and so do I. He never meant for it to be like this.

I'm sick of being so tense all the time
I'm sick of lying awake the whole night
and most of all I'm sick of myself

so...

So long LA
So long self

The Knapsack and the Boulder

There are two different problems or worries that we can carry in life: the Knapsack and the Boulder.

The Knapsack:
The Knapsack is light weight and full of everyday worries. It's a backpack that we carry around each day as we hike the trail of life. The knapsack is essential to help us grow. It's like training with weights. God allows us to carry these burdens for a short time so that we can grow bit by bit. These problems can may seem like a big deal at times, but it is our responsibility to train and grow through them. A friend can be an encouragement to us or even pray for us or carry your Knapsack for a while, but ultimately like a good parent God allows us to go through a little bit of hardship so that we can grow.

The Boulder:
The Boulder is more problematic. These problems are huge life changing problems. The Boulder causes you to get stuck in pits where you can no longer move. However similarly, the Boulder is your own problem, no one else's. While it's super important to identify boulders in other people's lives and help them out, it is also important to not get stuck under their boulder. Then there are two people stuck and no one to help them. This means identifying with, encouraging, praying, and being there for a people would Boulders in their lives. Boulders often have alot of practical application that you can do to help, like helping them out by cooking, loaning some money, being a shoulder to lean on, or helping babysit their problem for a while. But ultimately it's not your job to unstuck them from the Boulder. Only God can remove that burden and He will do in His perfect timing.


Learning about the Boulder and the Knapsack has practical applications in my life. I realize first of all that all my problems are my own and not someone else's. While I can depend on the community for support, I can't expect them to solve my problems. Only God can. And He will in His timing, and it's our job to seek His healing and to wait and trust in Him. Likewise, other people's problems are not my own. It doesn't do any good to carry other people's Knapsacks for them, or worse to get stuck under their Boulder. While it's definitely our job to be there for one another as best as we can, it is helpful to realize that it is not up to us to save the world. We can only temporarily help to alleviate the person and encourage them to look at Christ, the ultimate Healer and Redeemer.

We can only be care givers.
While Christ is the one and only cure giver.


Props to Joel for all these metaphors. =]

Dear World

Dear World,

Life is really hard right now. I'm really bad at discernment and when to say what. So I'll just be blunt. Everything hurts right now. So can you please help me. Send someone or better yet come knocking at my door. I need help. I know God will save me, but if you want to be a hero I wouldn't mind.

I've been drowning myself in busyness, in manga, in other worlds and fantasy, in dreams of the future, in blogging, in serving, in studying God.

But my feelings are catching up to me. My emotions. My heart is being torn into pieces.

So if you can please pray. Please help. Please encourage. To be honest all I need is a hug. I want to know that everything is going to be okay. Haha the worse thing that can happen is that no one will read this and respond. =]


Just remembering to be thankful in trials. Because the more it hurts, the greater God is going to fix me and make me better. I feel so broken right now. So alone. What is He doing?


Sorry to be a burden. Sorry to be a bother. I don't mean to draw attention to myself. I thought I could just serve ppl this finals week. Be there for ppl like me who are suffering. I don't care about myself. But hopefully God can use this. I wish I was stronger for all of you. I'm sorry.



"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

knowing God

so if i like it when people understand me. does god like it when we understand him?

What is my initial reaction?

Dude God I know you let's go hang out.

Then fear...

Do I really know God? What happens when I mess up? Do I really know God? I mean cmon He's like God. What happens when I order Him the wrong flavor of ice cream? I get owned... awkward.

But the thing is God knows us already. =]

So He knows my heart. So if I order the wrong flavor of ice cream. He might make fun of me. But He'll let me know and we can laugh about it instead of Him scolding me and being hurt.

Maybe God is hurt when we don't know Him, similarly when people don't understand us. But it's not a hateful scolding wrathful hurt. It's more of an understanding that we're trying our best to get to know Him.

Yay!

Need Help? Friend for Hire!

So this dead week and finals week I find are the best for low morale and self esteem. A great time to be destroyed by all the procrastinating I've been doing this quarter and feel completely overwhelmed. It's a great time to think about myself and complain about my misery.

So instead, I want to help you guys! Help me by letting me help you! Need a:
- Study Buddy
- A Meal (Delivery Included! (i have like 30 swipes still))
- An Encouragement
- Someone to Study with (any time of day I have a weird sleeping schedule!)
- A Break
- A Babysitter
- An event to be organized
- Prayer
- Lots of Prayer
- Worship Time
- Encouragement
- Someone to do your homework and your essays?

For all this and more look no further! There's no reason to feel down this quarter! It's all right here. Brothers and sisters, let's march strong as we finish this quarter together. Not alone and by yourself. But let's do this together.

My payment: A smile and if you have time try helping a friend out when they need it. Your roommate, your friends, a stranger. Some words of affirmation and quality time would be nice maybe we can rain check for brighter days. Cook me something or better teach me how to cook when the storm is over. =]


As long as God gives me energy to serve I am here for you guys. Help me so I don't spend this finals week focusing on myself. That would truly be a waste. Let's seek God together!

So give me a call (714)323-9584. =]


Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on